dailyseinfeld:

KRAMER: You know, I faked it.
JERRY: What?!
KRAMER: Yeah.
JERRY: You faked it? Why would you do that?
KRAMER: Well you know, if it’s enough already and I just wanna get some sleep.

(via The Mango)

dailyseinfeld:

(Elaine’s sound asleep. Scene cuts to George, then Jerry. They too, are sleeping. Scene takes a cut to Kramer and the nudist - both asleep)

(via The Contest)

dailyseinfeld:

Cheryl: Sorry, it was my aunt’s birthday and she makes such a big deal about it.
Elaine: Well, nobody likes to get old, right?
Jerry: Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we’ve grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it’s not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.
George: Funny guy, huh?

(via The Visa)

dailyseinfeld:

GEORGE: Jerry, what happened to you?
JERRY: What happened to you? You were going like a hundred miles an hour.
GEORGE: I was not. The BUBBLE BOY was trying to kill me. Susan tell him.
SUSAN: It’s a long story.
DONALD: HEY SEINFELD!
JERRY: Hey, Happy Birthday.
ELAINE: Hi.
DONALD: THANKS FOR SHOWING UP. YOU KNOW YOUR FRIEND HERE TRIED TO KILL ME.
GEORGE: Oh, you lying little snot. And he’s a cheater. Aren’t ya’ you little twerp?
DONALD: MOORS
GEORGE: MOOPS
DONALD: MOORS

(via The Bubble Boy)

dailyseinfeld:

GEORGE: Hi.
SUSAN: Hello.
DONALD: WHO ARE YOU? Where’s Seinfeld?
Mrs. SANGER: He’s on his way. These are his friends.
DONALD: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN’ AT? NEVER SEEN A KID IN A BUBBLE BEFORE?
GEORGE: ‘Course I have. Come on. My cousin’s in a bubble. My friend Jeffrey’s uh, sister, also … you know …bubble. I got a lot of bubble experience. Come on.
DONALD: WHAT’S YOUR STORY?
SUSAN: I, I have no story.
GEORGE: She works for NBC.
DONALD: HOW ‘BOUT TAKING YOUR TOP OFF?
Mrs. SANGER: Donald, behave yourself.
DONALD: COME ON.
Mrs. SANGER: I know. I know. Why don’t you play a game of trivial Pursuit?
GEORGE: Well, you know we gotta been running because of the …
DONALD: WHAT? ARE YOU AFRAID?
GEORGE: Humph, no, uh, it’s just that …
DONALD: I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS.

(via The Bubble Boy)

dailyseinfeld:

JERRY:  C’mon. It’s not even a house - it’s, like, a cabin.
GEORGE: We could build a cabin like (Snaps) that.
JERRY:  Well, maybe not us, but two men could.

(via The Cheever Letters)

dailyseinfeld:

WAITRESS: Hold it a second. Don’t you play on TV?
JERRY: Oh, no.
ELAINE: YES! yes. You saw him on TV.
WAITRESS: What’s your name?
ELAINE: Jerry Seinfeld.
JERRY: Elaaaiinne…
WAITRESS: Garry Seinfield! I saw him on the Tonight Show.
ELAINE: Right. Hey, wouldn’t you like an autographed picture?
WAITRESS: Oh, ha ha
JERRY: Uh, I don’t have anymore pictures Elaine.
ELAINE: He’s lying. They’re in the trunk <takes car keys> Now you get to sign another one.
JERRY: I’m not lying.
ELAINE: Yeah, he is. <as she leaves>
JERRY: She’ll have a cup of coffee and a broiled chicken.

(via The Bubble Boy)

dailyseinfeld:

George: That’s pie country. They do a lot of baking up there.
Jerry: They sell them by the side of the road. Blueberry blackberry.
George: Blackberry boysenberry.
Jerry: Boysenberry huckleberry.
George: Huckleberry raspberry.
Jerry: Raspberry strawberry.
George: Strawberry cranberry.
Jerry: Peach.

(via The Bubble Boy)

dailyseinfeld:

Cheryl: Sorry, it was my aunt’s birthday and she makes such a big deal about it.
Elaine: Well, nobody likes to get old, right?
Jerry: Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we’ve grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it’s not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.
George: Funny guy, huh?

(via The Visa)

dailyseinfeld:

JERRY: Hey, nice shoes. What, you wear sandals to work? It’s always nice to walk into a room and get the aroma of feet. That’s real conducive to the work atmosphere. I’m sure your co-workers really appreciate it. ‘Hey, let’s go eat in Toby’s office. Great idea! We can check on her bunions!’
TOBY: You know, I have work to do here! I’m very busy!
JERRY: Oh, is this disruptive? You find it hard to work with someone…interrupting?
TOBY: Well, how would you like it if I called security?
JERRY: Security? Well, I don’t know how you’re gonna make it in this business if you can’t take it! Ya gotta be tough! Booo! Boooo!

(via The Fire)