dailyseinfeld:

JOE: So what do you want me to do?
KRAMER: I want restitution.
JOE: Restitution? You want restitution? Why should I give you restitution?
KRAMER: Because it’s no good.
JOE: When you put that fruit out, that’s where it ends for me.
KRAMER: It’s still your fruit, you gotta stand behind your fruit.
JOE: I stand behind my fruit.

(via The Mango)

dailyseinfeld:

KRAMER: So…
JOE: Hey, you got a bad peach? That’s an act of God. He makes the peaches. I don’t make the peaches, I sell the peaches. You have a problem? You talk to him.
KRAMER: You know this whole place is going vrrrrrrrrrrrrt, downhill. I could have come in here last week with a bad plum but I let it go.
JOE: Well let me put a solution for you: do your business elsewhere, I don’t want your business.
KRAMER: Oh now you don’t want my business.
JOE: No, I don’t want your business and from this moment you’re banned from the store, you’re banned!
KRAMER: But what am I gonna do for fruit?

(via The Mango)

dailyseinfeld:

KRAMER: So, what do you think?
JERRY: About what?
KRAMER: About the opera.
JERRY: Nah, I don’t wanna go.
KRAMER: You gotta go.
JERRY: I-I-I don’t like the opera. What are they singing for? Who sings? You got something to say, say it!
KRAMER: Jerry, you don’t understand, thats the way they talk in Italy, they sing to one another. Kramer starts to sing in bad Italian.
JERRY: All right, all right.
KRAMER: Thats the way it was, you know. You listen to the language, its got that sing songy quality. Its the language Jerry, the language
JERRY: So why don’t they talk like that now?
KRAMER: Well its, uh, well its too hard to keep up, you know, they were tired.

(via The Opera)

Happy Thanksgiving!

dailyseinfeld:

Newman is seated at the counter at Monks, mumbling to himself.
Newman: Butter. Kramer. Butter. Kramer.
The waitress brings a roasted turkey out on a tray. Newman hallucinates
Kramer/turkey (waving wing): Hey buddy.
Newman screams and runs out of Monks.

(via The Butter Shave)

dailyseinfeld:

George: That’s pie country. They do a lot of baking up there.
Jerry: They sell them by the side of the road. Blueberry blackberry.
George: Blackberry boysenberry.
Jerry: Boysenberry huckleberry.
George: Huckleberry raspberry.
Jerry: Raspberry strawberry.
George: Strawberry cranberry.
Jerry: Peach.

(via The Bubble Boy)

dailyseinfeld:

KRAMER: THE BEACH!!!  You smell like the beach. What’s the name of that perfume? you’re wearing.
TIA: It’s Ocean by Calvin Klein.
KRAMER: CALVIN KLEIN!? No, no. That’s my idea. They, they stole my idea. Y’ see I had the idea of a cologne that makes you smell like you just came from the beach.
JERRY: I know look at this,
KRAMER: Whooo, … That’s you! What is going on here?!  He laughs at me then he steals my idea. I could have been a millionaire. I could have been a fragrance millionaire, Jerry. … They’re not going to get away with this.

(via The Pick)

dailyseinfeld:

George: Well, You’re not gonna believe it…
Kramer: What?
George: The plane’s been re-routed *back* to Kennedy. We’ve got 45 minutes.
Kramer: Let’s go. Listen to the bell, Grossbard— it tolls for thee.

(via The Airport)

(via dailyseinfeld)

dailyseinfeld:

NEWMAN: Okay. What is it?
JERRY: Take a look at this card. Tell me if you notice anything unusual about it.
NEWMAN: Your nipple’s showing.
JERRY: Okay. Thanks.
NEWMAN: Anything else?
JERRY: No.
NEWMAN: All right. See you later.

(via The Pick)

(via dailyseinfeld)

dailyseinfeld:

KRAMER: Alright, come on Frank. It’s your shot.
FRANK: (Complaining) I can’t make anything..
KRAMER: (Like a professional) Well, that’s because you don’t know how to follow through correctly.
FRANK: Follow through? What do you mean?
KRAMER: Right here, come on, I’ll show you.. (Gets behind Frank, holding the pool stick with him) Take hold of your stick.. alright, bring it back slowly..
(Estelle walks in with a tray of beverages and popcorn. Kramer and Frank continue the lesson in their underwear as she stares in disbelief)
FRANK: It’s a little unnatural, but I think I’m getting the hang of it.
ESTELLE: Oh, my God!

(via The Doll)

(via dailyseinfeld)

dailyseinfeld:

JERRY: You should always carry a pad and pen.
GEORGE: I can’t carry a pen. I’m afraid I’ll puncture my scrotum.
KRAMER: I have a pen.

(via The Parking Garage)

(via dailyseinfeld)